


Wolf <3 Melon

by laziestgirlintown



Category: Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms, melon wolf
Genre: Crack, Johnlock (freeform), M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-11
Updated: 2014-05-11
Packaged: 2018-01-24 09:24:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1599788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laziestgirlintown/pseuds/laziestgirlintown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The wolf usually found the forest incredibly tedious. (...) Then came the day when he found the melon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wolf <3 Melon

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, so, closing my eyes and uploading a few shorts I've written on tumblr. This one is the fault of this post: http://reapersun.tumblr.com/post/79567868943/sherlock-and-melon-wolf-crossover-sherlock-is-wolf

The wolf usually found the forest incredibly tedious. All the other wolves – indeed, all the other animals – were insipid idiots who only thought about food and sex and were never, ever interesting. One of the few creatures he could almost stand, for a short time, was a tree, and that was because that tree was such a good place to start tracking. Tracking was the wolf’s favourite thing: putting his nose to work, taking a single sniff and being able to tell who had gone there, where they had come from, where they were going and why, what they had had for breakfast, what mood they were in, what they were thinking about, whether they would be worth eating. Most food was boring too, though, same thing every day, there is really rather little difference between one dead body and another (except, like with tracking, for all the things you could deduce about them). A further strain upon his patience was that bloody photographer who followed him around, as if he constantly wanted to know where the wolf was and what he was doing. Little wonder the wolf was almost perpetually annoyed.

Then came the day when he found the melon.

He was loping about the forest as usual, casually noticing all the usual boring trees and animals but barely registering them, when suddenly, there was a new smell. He stopped dead and raised his head. He followed the scent and padded up to the melon lying on the ground. He sniffed it, leaned in to peer at it, and walked a circle around it. Then he said:

”India, Spain or Iran?”

”What?” said the melon.

”Mexico, Spain and Iran are the world’s largest exporters of watermelons, but your colouring and shape do not display the usual traits of New World watermelons, which is inconclusive but affects the likelihood of Mexico being the answer despite their being the largest exporter. However, your posture and bearing suggest you are an organic watermelon, which makes India a more probable answer. Furthermore you are covered in gravel and pine needles, but that is just psychosomatic, I could lick that off for you. That no one else has done so also suggests you don’t have a pack. Which is fine, neither do I, because other wolves are idiots.”

”That … that was amazing,” the melon said.

The wolf blinked. ”That’s not what creatures usually say.”

”What do they usually say?”

”They usually fly at my throat to bite me.”

”Well, I’m not going to do that.”

The wolf tilted his head. ”Wanna go run around the forest with me and track things?”

”Oh gods yes,” the melon said, then exclaimed: ”Damn my lack of legs!”

”I could carry you.”

”Would you?”

”Could be dangerous.”

”Yes, I know.”


End file.
